How To Tell Someone You Have Herpes
If you are struggling to find the right words when telling your partner you have herpes, aka 'the talk', you are not alone. Below we have listed step-by-step advice to help you best understand how this difficult conversation should go.
- Remember, you are doing the right thing; even though there is a chance of initial rejection, most people will appreciate your honesty.
- Give them space to make their own decision. Giving space will give them a chance to think through what you told them.
- Offer the facts. Let them know there is no guarantee they will not contract HSV. Also offer that preventative medication and absence in times of outbreak will lower their risk.
- Tell your story. Telling how you contracted HSV will make you appear honest, something most people look for in a partner.
- Relax, the hard part is done. You were honest about your sexual health.
- If you can't bring yourself to telling your partner, break it off with them and reassure them they did nothing wrong.
- Join Meet Positives to meet other positive singles; who knows, maybe your perfect match is just like you!
After being diagnosed with herpes, the next process is all about how the disease will affect you and the people around you. How to tell someone you have herpes is one of the main topics most people think about. The most pressing issues revolve around love life and dating.
So you meet someone you like and would like to love. You really want to be with them but then you have a bomb that needs to explode before you can live happily ever after. The herpes bomb is something most people would rather not talk about but will eventually have to. Well, you need to figure out how to tell other people you have herpes. This is something you should do in such a way that you do not scare them away.
If you are feeling uncomfortable about this topic, it is understandable. No one really wants to talk about their STD status. However, you should understand that this is not a disaster and you should do it at the right time to avoid being in a complicated position. The first thing you need to do is be comfortable with yourself. There is no way you can make other people understand you if you are not confident and courageous enough to explain all that need to be explained.
So, How Do You Tell Someone You Have Herpes?
If you have come to terms with the fact that you have herpes, things will be easier for you. If you have not yet accepted, you first need to. This is because you cannot make any important steps without acceptance. Herpes is not such a big deal and there are many people living with this STD. Being nervous is the last thing you want when telling someone you have herpes. This is because you will end up making them nervous too.
Being confident and courageous does not mean that you should be emotionless. It is okay to have feelings since we are all human. Being normal will help the other person understand you better and actually empathize with you. You need to bring it out in such a way that the other person understands that though you come with a baggage, you are still a good catch with another interesting part.
When Do I Tell Someone I Have Herpes?
The dating process is supposed to be time spent to understand each other. You will be building trust with each other and learning if you are interested in each other. Since your STD status is personal, dating is a good time to find out if you can trust the other person. If the feelings are mutual and you respect each other’s boundaries, when you tell them, they will understand.
It is a good idea to take everything slowly because you will be sure. Dating is a process of discovery. You discover yourself; you discover the other person and also discover a relationship. You do not want to be too quick because this might end something that could have been great. On the other hand, you do not want to be too slow because you might end up spoiling something that is already good. Perfect timing is crucial.
There are people who say you should talk about your herpes on the third date. Well, the perfect timing is before you decide to be exclusive and before the other person invests a lot in the relationship emotionally. Make sure they like you enough to understand your situation but not too deep to be disappointed if they feel like they cannot take the risk.
What Do You Say?
So, you have found the perfect balance between time and emotions. The circumstances are neutral and there is no disturbance or distraction around. Start by opening up and let them know that you respect them and love their company. Say you have something you want to tell them but it might come with a little awkwardness.
Under no circumstance should you start with anything about having ‘bad’ or ‘terrible’ news. You might also avoid the straight statement of ‘I have herpes’ though people do take that route. Instead, you could say something like “I test positive for antibodies for HSV type 2 which is a type of herpes”. Another route is to start by asking them if they have ever been tested for STD. This can shift the focus from you alone to both of you. You will give them the reason to get tested.
Put Things Into Perspective
You might want to put your explanation into perspective. This requires you to have ample information about herpes. Start with what herpes is; the herpes statistics, and explain how the infection affects you, or how it doesn’t. The person can lose confidence in you if they happen to ask you a question about herpes and you have no answers. To be on the safe side, you need to cover all the important elements in your explanation. Statistics such as 1 in every 4 women and 1 in 5 men in the US are living with genital herpes might be helpful.
The Transmission Issue
After you tell them about your herpes, the next thing they will be thinking about is the transmission. It is important that you address this issue when the matter is still fresh. Let them know that the risk of transmission is low especially when there are no outbreaks. Explain that using suppressive therapy can lower the risk and when used with condoms, the risk of transmission is very low.
What To Expect
Most people will be glad you opened up to them about such a personal matter. Some will tell you they don’t want to be with you while some will say they need them to think. There will be some that will not let the STD stand between the two of you and will go all the way. You need to be prepared for different outcomes. Interestingly, there might be people who will tell you they want to get tested and might actually have herpes.
Herpes Dating Sites
A herpes dating site can make things very easy for you. There are many singles living with herpes and are looking for someone like you. This takes the awkwardness out of the relationship and encourages genuine love and understanding.
Whatever you choose to do, make sure you are honest with yourself and other people. This is the only way you will be truly happy.